"Go to the woods", she says.
And I do. Making the trek down the hill on the trails to the river and then back up. Choosing to wind it backwards from my usual way. To approach the steep climb at the end knowing it will be harder. Hoping that it will change the energy of the hike, the day and this chaos-containing part of my life.
I start down the hill sloping gently, covered with dry leaves that shoosh as I meander downward - inward. I stop at bench #4 and plug myself into the space and myself in the space. Annoyed at the leaf blowers that I can hear. Understanding that the leaves when they are green soundproof this space from those kinds of human acitivities and that lying dead on the ground they provide me no protection - makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. The squirrels chatter and scold me as I sit there intruding. I cannot hold the meditation and decide to just move on.
Down, down, down. There is no joy today in the deer I meet. No deep connection to the ground I tread. I am merely here. Even the river, MY river, normally hidden that I see peeking thru the branches is not consoling. I stand a moment at the bottom. Hoping for......for what?
I get nothing but frustrated. I start the long climb up. Moving faster and faster as I go. Sweating in the cool November sun. Til I am almost running. I want OUT. And I want out now.
I arrive at my car panting and dripping with sweat. WTF! I have never had that reaction to the woods - ever.
It isnt until I get home that I realize I did not come out empty handed. Today I learned that whatever I get out of the woods is a product of what I take into it.
I start down the hill sloping gently, covered with dry leaves that shoosh as I meander downward - inward. I stop at bench #4 and plug myself into the space and myself in the space. Annoyed at the leaf blowers that I can hear. Understanding that the leaves when they are green soundproof this space from those kinds of human acitivities and that lying dead on the ground they provide me no protection - makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. The squirrels chatter and scold me as I sit there intruding. I cannot hold the meditation and decide to just move on.
Down, down, down. There is no joy today in the deer I meet. No deep connection to the ground I tread. I am merely here. Even the river, MY river, normally hidden that I see peeking thru the branches is not consoling. I stand a moment at the bottom. Hoping for......for what?
I get nothing but frustrated. I start the long climb up. Moving faster and faster as I go. Sweating in the cool November sun. Til I am almost running. I want OUT. And I want out now.
I arrive at my car panting and dripping with sweat. WTF! I have never had that reaction to the woods - ever.
It isnt until I get home that I realize I did not come out empty handed. Today I learned that whatever I get out of the woods is a product of what I take into it.
Sno' hiking under the cliffs
No comments:
Post a Comment