Shoe Ramblings

I spent a lot of time when I was younger staring at my own shoes. Documenting the changes in my external world by always looking down. Sandals, Red Ball Jets, Buster Browns (he lives in my shoe), black patent leather "church" shoes, thongs (what you now know as flip flops - a thong being something quite different). Deliberately scuffing my new saddle shoes every fall that pinched as I walked to the first day of school. It took an entire school year to break them in just the way I liked and every fall brought another new pair to torture. 

Those shoes gave way to green hi-top Chucks. My mother and I went round and round about my getting and wearing these "boy shoes". But teenage girls have nothing but time and whininess, both of which I used. I can still remember the smell of those as I reverently pulled back the tissue paper. The smell of rubber and victory in dressing the way I wanted. Clogs, espadrilles and learning to balance myself on top of the 4 inch wooden platform heels for the first time. 

College brought the chunky hiking boots with the red laces that were a pre-requisite for any biology major who was not pre-med - all three of us. Cowboy boots, a Cardinal red pair of hi top Chucks for football and bball games and my one and only pair of CFM shoes with their 5 1/2" heels that I bought one Halloween. (God I loved those. There is a power in being a woman over 6 feet tall that I absolutely enjoyed.) 

Grad school and work has led to more practical footwear made for standing all day on the linoleum-covered concrete floor of the lab. A bubble gum pink pair of hi top Reeboks in the 80's still stands out in my memory among the countless unremarkable pairs of gym shoes worn out in the miles I seem to walk every day from my lab bench to the fridge, my lab bench to my desk, my desk to the departmental office, my desk to the cafeteria, my lab to the Radiation Safety Office, my desk to the Vivarium. Well you get the picture. Today I am wearing a pink trimmed grey pair of Asics whose fit is amazing. I do wish they were a bit less pointy toed and more squared off. Yunno shaped more like my foot. But they are a good pair of shoes and they serve me well. 

I spend significantly less time these days thinking about and looking at my shoes. I gave up that shy habit years ago. I heard a yoga instructor talk about Westerners as a "head forward" culture vs a "heart forward" culture like India or a "hip forward" culture like much of South America. Meaning that posturally we tend to lead with out heads versus those other parts of our body. Being around a lot of foreign nationals I had plenty of time to observe that to be true in general. And western researchers are the most head forward people I have ever seen which kinda makes sense for a crew that makes its living thinking. Almost comical. I wonder how we do not just tip over? Anyway, I am determined to live a more heart-centered life, so I try to remind myself to lead with my chest/heart and not my head. To do that I have to stand up to my full 5'7 1/2", align my head with my spine and kinda push my chest out there (yes that makes me very self conscious). That postural change though changes me. I look people in the eyes. I say Hello. I smile more. And I find that I just have no desire to look at any more shoes.