TODAY

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 

I looked up as I was leaving today and there in the sky is that damn witch again. This time the message just says 'Surrender Mary'. Couldn't she at least come up with a new line? My first reaction is I WILL NEVER GIVE UP BITCH! In the last few days my need to know, to control, to be safe has hit an all time high with the ongoing lump issue, my newly dead retirement portfolio of 25 years, an odd relationship snafu, etc. I have not been plugged in and have allowed the fear to own me. As I flailed about looking for my safety net though, I hurt someone I love. That is what it took for me to stop flailing long enough to listen. And THAT is the message?? Surrender? All I know is that something needs to change. I am willing to try anything. So, today I choose the path of following my heart without weighing the possible outcomes and always choosing the safe one.  Today I launch myself into the air with the snow geese just to feel the rush of air beneath me and not become heavy with thinking of how i cannot fly.  Today I will walk the tight rope without a safety net. Maybe pack a lunch and sit out there and eat.  Today I will love without thinking of the million ways I might possibly be hurt allowing myself to be swept away in the giddy rush.  Today I will find the small pieces of joy secreted on my path that are just for me. Today I surrender.