Igor. The Brain Man. Bring Me the Brain

Thursday, April 30, 2009 

OK...so I am trying to work through this fucked up funk that seems to have polluted my heart.  Listening to AH #4 - The Law of Allowing while beheading baby mice and dissecting their weasly black guts (yes - that is a POC reference).  I won't get into the weird feelings that gives me - the dissection, not the movie.  That would be a very different weird (and kinda tingly) feeling.    Pretty much hearing if I am in a fucked up funk, that I created that.  YAY!  Not only did I create it, but the crappy feelings that I am holding toward a few other people right now - not their shit.  Those feelings a signal that I am not moving toward my own bliss.  That I am not moving in the direction of my intention.  WELL DUH ABRAHAM - I could have told you that.   Not every day is like this, some I feel like me.  I laugh and just don't focus on the crap....why then on other days do I continually swim thru that garbage.  Why no matter how hard I try, can I not stop myself from going there?  As far as I can tell there is no physical trigger for it.   AH is all about setting your intentions  as an act of deliberate creation (I know this works.....puuuhlease.  I made a scientist HUG me for gawd's sake to prove it.  But that is another story).  In the absence of creating deliberately, we are prone to create whatever we are fed by TV, by what we read, by the stories of others.....uh oh....here comes that hammer again.   Mornings are almost always good.  Then it tanks in the afternoon, sometimes never to recover.  The evenings are the worst.  I am OK if I am busy, but I seem less busy than I have in years right now and so am prone to evenings of Patron, sleeplessness, pacing and on VERY BAD nights - running (not a good visual).  And yeah sometimes both the Patron and the running together, which are mutually exclusive for Health and Safety reasons.  The only thing that occurs to me is that every MORNING without fail I set my intentions for that day.  Perhaps in my emotionally distracted state that needs to be reinforced in the afternoon and again in the evening.   So the hypothesis has been established that if I remember to reinforce my intentions in the afternoon and in the evening, I will be able to maintain a better frame of mind and will stay focused on me instead of obsessing about those other people and the trail of garbage they have left in my life.  Let the experiment begin.  Will keep you posted Now quick Igor, bring me the brain...................