The Answer

Thursday, May 21, 2009 

OK. So I have been out of commission these last few months.  Too busy feeling sorry for myself and being the uber-whiney baby to write anything.  But that doesn't mean that I haven't been noticing shit around me, just not able to process things and write rationally - or even type for that matter.  Patron is just not compatible with coherent typing.  But it is soooooo tasty.  Recently I got a little reminder that this is part of the deal.  So watch out folks cuz gurlfriend is back in the saddle pen in hand again..... So about a month ago (in a galaxy far far away), I was having one of those days.  I was PISSED OFF at everyone.  But mostly I was pissed off with Creator, Mama, the ancestors, and every being helping me - yunno the other side peeps, OSP for short.  These are the folks involved in helping me see clearly the path of my life.  They had not lead me wrong before, but this time, I was pretty sure that they had fucked things up majorly.  I mean, how can having your heart smashed to sub-atomic particles be beneficial in ANY way?  How is that part of being 'on my path'?  WTF does that mean anyway?  Isn't everything on my path?  Sorry ADD - ooooo yellow bird. So, when it came time to tell the Universe my intentions on that day, I stuck out my pouty lip, put the chip on my shoulder and pretty much dared them to bring it on and do their worst.  I DID think better of that statement tho' after a few moments.  ::shudder::  I have seen their worst and I don't want any part of that.  I sighed and thought,  Mary, what is it that you REALLY want today?   I want to feel less alone.   And what would do that for you?   A hug.  I thought tenderly about how that would feel.  Yes, that's it.  I want one genuine and unexpected hug today.   LMFAO!  Knowing there is no way that the Universe can deliver on my intention.  I am heading into the heart of research central, aka the maze, where logic and reason are worshipped as god and emotion and intuition DO NOT EXIST.  Where physical contact of any kind is anathema.  Chuckling to myself - let's see you manifest that hug now - You bastards! Thru the course of the day, I forgot about that intention like I generally do.  Cut some mouse tails, made some DNA, did some PCR, some paperwork, a little ordering and went to hear my boss give seminar.  After the seminar, Bruce, a former colleague came over to talk to me.  A bit of background here.  I worked in a lab with Bruce when I first started as a tech.  He was a post-doctoral fellow (post-doc).  He punched every one of my buttons DAILY and my fondest dream at that time was to slow torture his ass and kill him.  My labmates and I resolved that by killing him in effigy in various heinous ways from time to time - no SERIOUSLY.  That was such a long time ago.  Bruce has long since moved on to another part of the hospital and mellowed a bit, as have I.  I see him rarely and things are much more cordial than they were 25 years ago.  As long as I do not have to work with him, I am OK.  All that to say, this is not someone I particularly like or see with any regularity. So on this day after the seminar is over, Bruce comes over to say hello and the next thing I know he is giving me a big ole bear hug!  WTF!!!!!  WE DO NOT DO THIS IN SCIENCE!  I catch the stunned look on my bosses face over Bruce's shoulder.  It probably closely matches my own.  That's when I laugh.  He could not have looked more stunned if he had walked in and seen us ten-toes-up/ ten-toes-down going at it.  About an hour later I get hug #2 from a long time sales rep.  What's up with the hugging?  WTF is going on today???   LIGHTBULB!!!  Oh yeah.  This is what i asked for today.  Now I am the one feeling stunned.  How easy that was to manifest even in this touch-phobic environment.   I am humbled by how effortlessly those things that I asked for came into my life.  Am amused as hell by the messenger they chose.  That laughter felt sooooo good to me.  How can I stay PO'd at the OSP when they can bring something like that?  Can't.   So next time maybe I will ask to be hugged by Robt Downey Jr.  Let's see if they can deliver that - wink wink.  Kidding.  Kinda