First Kisses

Today I am thinking about first kisses.  How many have there been?  Why can't I recall more than one or two?  How long will I remember this one?

I have about 35 years of dating under my belt.  During that time there have been a few longer relationships that lasted about a year or two.  All tolled perhaps 10 years of that where I was happily dating one dude.  So maybe 8 first kisses there.

A really long dry spell.  Too embarrassingly long to admit.  First kisses during that 1 or 2.

15 years of productive dating averaging 2-3 guys/year.  2.5 guys X 15 years 36.5 first kisses.  Rounding off 36

So about 46 first kisses.  Not one of those stands out.  In fact, I had to wrestle the neurons to even cough out one or two of these.  And then all it vomited out were the most recent ones.  Why don't more of them stand out?  This is such a profound moment.  How was I unable to recall more?

Immediately I rule out two-thirds of them because they happened under the influence.  That leaves about 15 sober ones that I should remember, but don't.  Just unremarkable in any way.  Maybe rushing to get to the goodies beyond the kissing.  I just don't know.  And somehow I feel that I have cheated myself by not stopping and choosing that moment to commit to memory.   Maybe cheated the relationship by never truly being in the moment and enjoying it.

So last night I chalked up the first first kiss of 2011 (eternally hopeful that it will also be the last first kiss for this lifetime).  Present to the moment while the unexpected March snow fell quietly around us in the dark.  Brushing the snow off of his head and laughing.  Being pulled into the warmth of his coat and feeling like I belonged right there in that moment and no where else.  When I look at him I feel the pull and it isn't me leaning in or him but both of us meeting somewhere in the middle.  We pull apart to go our separate ways and I realize my glasses are fogged, but only the right lens.  When I look at him I realize his are the same and we both giggle like kids.  Lips meeting one last time even as we continue to giggle.

This seems like one I will remember with all its sweetness however things proceed from here.