A Trip of Sorts

Finally settling down with some tulsi chai and Roy Orbison.  12:53AM.  A whole day and not a single word written.  What a shame.   But today was another yikesy day emotionally where anything that came out of me would just be shit.  I know that because I managed to spew that same shit on a couple people before I bailed for solitude.  Not much lost really.

It was seriously bad.  I needed the woods.  But, it's raining....yup.  I don't care.  The woods are my crack.  My oxycontin.  The place where I feel better for no reason.  And when there is no destination in mind, it is always the tree trail. I go with all the energy of sloth, but I go.

Less than five minutes onto the trail, I wipe out.  Not the little going down onto a knee, but the kinda slide that results in full body contact with the mud as you slide halfway down the hill on your ass.  Great.  Lying there in the mud while the rain dribbles on to me, I know I am OK - physically.  Emotionally is another story.  I don't get up.  Almost like I am just too tired to break the contact.  I lay flat on my back and let my head fall back into the ooze.  I close my eyes and just accept where I am.  Lying there in the mud and being rained on.

I don't know how long I lay there, but I do know I felt much better when I got up.  As if some of the yuck had been drained out into the mud.  I finish the trail.

It isn't until I'm driving home that I realize in that forehead slapping way - of course I felt better.  In the Dagara tradition the Earth element is about home and abundance.  I haven't really been feeling that abundance thing.  Pretty sure that I have been inhabiting a place full of fear and scarcity.  Earth is the element where I am prone to get stuck from time to time.  (It is also about home in the sense of body which I'm not feeling great about right now either),  Stuck so badly today that I was called to the trail where slipping on the wet leaves and mud was pretty much inevitable.  And once the contact was made I was down for the count and got what I needed.