Cranes for Chikako & Chizuko

People kept asking me "Have you seen the videos from Japan?"  My answer always in the negative.  I didn't need to see it to feel the devastation half way round the planet.  It was exactly the same way when the tsunami hit Thailand.  Most of my friends felt it coming - the pressure and stretch as our beloved blue marble tries to find balance.  All of us felt the after effects of so many people perishing all at once.  This has been no different.

It isn't that I wanted to wall myself off from it.  It's more about being careful to wait until I know that I can handle what I am seeing.  Unlike a movie where I can tell myself that it is all made up, I know that the video from Japan is real.  That the shock and destruction of the tsunami were just the beginning of a re-building that will take years.  Watching that happen before I am ready can take me down to a place of such sadness.

I did eventually watch a few videos.  What struck me were the ubiquitous little white cars swirling around in the rushing murk like ice cubes in my glass.  Each little white car clinking uncontrollably against another.  I think how each little white car has an owner.  One who goes to work every day.  One who picks up kids after soccer.  One who is fiercely proud of her first car.  One who does volunteer work with the elderly in the neighborhood.  One who is a businessman working 12 hour days to provide for his family.  One who goes about a life not very different than mine - up until a few days ago.  I will dream about those little white cars for years to come.  The image was just that potent to me.

And here I sat feeling sorry for myself because my life is kinda upside down right now.  Compared to the owners of those little white cars, I am the luckiest bitch alive.  I have lots to eat, a warm place to sleep, and I know that my loved ones are safe, that I AM SAFE.  THAT is worth more than whatever I am fussing about that can be and will be remedied.

To my friends Chikako and Chizuko, who rounded out the little UN that was my college crowd, who taught me everything I know about Japanese culture and food, who taught me to swear in Japanese, and who bathed my life with laughter.  I folded these cranes, just like Chikako taught me and I blow them across the world to you and wish it could be more.  Much more.