January Project

I don't do the resolution thing.  I mean why give my judge any more reason to beat up on me? 

My life over the past year or so has brought some seriously negative energies into my close orbit.  UGH!  I can't really do anything to change that (been down that rabbit hole before and it always ends the same - badly) nor am I really able to create distance between myself and them.  As a result of this close contact, I found myself taking on more and more of this energy.  DOUBLE UGH! 

I know who I am, I know how to represent that to the world.  But I had drifted so far away from my personal truths that I had a small meltdown around Thanksgiving.  I could see it all so clearly.  Could see how these not so subtle energies had been introduced back into my world ever so slowly resulting in a whole cadre of insecure behaviours I thought I had learned to overcome.  I could see the slow slide toward that same place, that same motherfucking dark hole that I had struggled to climb out of years ago.

Somewhere I knew that the best way to overcome this was not by becoming more like the thing I didn't like.  (rabbit hole #2 same result)  But sometimes ya gotta go where ya go and figure it out on the way.  I had to go there.  I didn't like it.  NOT.ONE.BIT. 

After a suitable time of allowing the judge to beat up on me for making this little detour to hell, I called time out

and sat.

I sat.

And I sat.

And I sat some more.

I sat until I could see all the who/what/where/why/how things clearly.  Then, I asked the peeps for help.  It came from the craziest places.  It came unexpectedly in the kindness of strangers.  It came at me in from dear friends who brought me crazy herbs at lunch.  It came at me in my dreams.  It flickered at me in the dark from Zena Moon's winter candle.  Jimmy Stewart brought in an important piece somewhere in about the 387th iteration of It's A Wonderful Life. 

And the shit I had held onto poured out in the writing, venomous pages that seethe and smoke in my notebook.  Pages full of cramped mean-spirited writing so strong, that I can't bear to look at it.  But I am grateful to the page for holding in when I couldn't anymore.  Everyday I feel clearer, I feel more me. 

So to continue to encourage something that is more in line with who I am inside.  Introducing......(Drum roll)......

THE JANUARY PROJECT

Angelica Root

This January I am going to try to amend the way I look at the world back toward something positive and life-affirming.  So every day, I'm going to post a photo or a short snippet of something that I see as beautiful for the month of January.  You may not agree with me.  Feel free to post your own stuff in the comments or out in the world.

Today I chose something that came to me during the shift quite unexpectedly, a piece of angelica root.  I am not versed in plant medicine at all.  But I do know something very cool when I see it, when I touch it.  This little root has some total KA-POW in it.  It's beauty to me is in its gifting.  Complete magic.

Chauvet cave lions

Bonus it looks like a cave lion.  And the girl loves her some lion.  Cave lions are extinct, so no photos exist of them on the googles.  THAT gives me the perfect reason to post a piece of cave art which I love.  At left is a panel from the Chauvet caves depicting cave lions.  Same exact energy in both pieces which is perfection and to me beautiful.

Just as an aside Cave of Dreams is now showing on cable.  If you like cave art, check this one out.