Now that I have that other thing out of my head, I can write about what I wanted to write about today - which is about the process of writing something large in scope.

I am writing a fictionalized account of my family that takes place in the far northern part of Germany before recorded history.  WOW!  Boring right?  LMAO.  When I write it that way it seems boring to me too.  See what happens when you ask yourself questions like why one of my brothers has a Black Irish complexion?  Or what was the family like BEFORE the part one of my cousins has researched (pre-1460)?  Why am I interested in science, shamanism, anthropology, archeology, indigenous cultures etc.  Where is that coded in my DNA?  Why do I feel like I have seen certain images before - Roman centurions, bog mummies, plant medicine, how to fletch arrows, or a thousand other things?

Suddenly there is a host of characters moving about in my head, going through the motions of daily life.  Writing is more like taking notes at the movies.  Easy peasy.  Except when they stop moving around like now.  They have been staring at me for over a year.  Frozen.  Immobile.  I try to make them move a certain way - but they refuse or the motion is stilted - like those old 8mm films they showed in elementary school that would slip the sprockets.  And in my heart, I know what I am trying to force them to do is not a natural motion.  So I stop.  They stop.  And we all go back to staring at each other across the page.

So what ARE they supposed to be doing?  Hell if I know.  They haven't deemed to tell me or show me yet.  I am starting to wonder if the problem is my desire to have them be something pleasing to my 21st Century heart there in their 1st Century world?  Do I have a vested interest in having them behave peacefully instead of like the war-like clans they undoubtedly were?  Am I trying to write their truth or am I making it up?   It does seem if I were solely making it up, they would do as I say.

So in this deep pause they have created, I am reading voraciously about the strangest topics.  The migration of the Celts that brought them through Northern Germany.  For the record - I loathe things Celtic.  The independence of Northern Germany from Roman rule until the mid-first C.  I have a strange affinity for Roman centurion films.  Viking influence in this part of the world - especially where it applies to religious beliefs, mythology and world construction.  Thor has always been my favorite superhero and the recent movie held me captive to the point where I bought it so I could watch it over and over.

It's hard to know whether I am interested in something because it pulls a certain string inside me or because I know the facts will work for the book.  Am I in truth writing the book?  Or is the book using me as a way to tell itself?  Pieces fall into place by magic so I am inclined toward the latter.

For instance - I was riveted by the movie The Eagle.  No real reason for that.  The acting was OK.  The plot was soso.  The scenery was spectacular.  So what was it about the movie that drew me in?  I did a little research (give it up, it's what the girl does) and found that the movie was based on a book based on a historical event - the loss of the Roman Eagle standard in Northern Britain (Scots - ya gotta love em).   Somewhere in there I came across the Battle of Teutoburg Forest where 3 Eagles were lost.  I clicked on the Wiki link and a whole new part of the book opened up for me.  Teutoburg Forest is located in Northern Germany only a few miles from where my book is set.  The time frame is appropriate to be part of the living history of the people in my story.  And I feel one step closer to the day they will begin to weave their story through me again.  I look forward to that day.  And until then I guess I will just keep asking questions and waiting for them to answer.  Service between 2012 and 60AD is a little slow but amazingly clear.

So it's back to some boring dry historical book about Teutoburg forest ON MY DAY OFF!  I don't mind.  The details will show up somewhere in the movie in my head and I will understand what I am seeing much better for having slogged through it.