Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Send Out the Clowns

My life is a circus right now.  I can even hear that gawdawful calliope music in my head - deedeedeleedledeededeedeedeeeebumtidarumbumtidarum.  (Where is a contagious earworm when you need one?).  Three rings all going at once, no ringmaster in sight, and me head swiveling trying to watch them all - all at once.  And as if that isn't enough, that damn tiny clown car pulls up and disgorges an impossible number of occupants. 

I am not a big fan of circuses especially those that keep animals in thrall for human entertainment.  And clowns?  Don't even get me started on these creepy, candy-coated fucks.  To me they are all Pennywise and make my skin crawl.  There is no laughter for me in that.  My last circus was probably 25 years ago.  I went simply to keep my niece, Jen, company.  Maybe hoping that it would re-kindle some childlike circus love.  Nope.  Just reinforced my deep laothing of the entire freakshow.  (Ironically I would love a good freakshow - sadly this is not it).  Jen had her own clown-trauma when one of the Ringling clowns stole her brand new jacket before the show and didn't return it for almost an hour.  She cried the whole time.  But then the girl has always been attached to her clothes. 

Why exactly did my brain spit out THAT particular image today?  Aren't there a billion other ones that it could have chosen to convey the absurdity, the busyness, the chaos that is my life right now?  So again - why this one?  In particular that clown car.  Jungians analysts would say that the clown car is me or my life and the clowns??  Well, that's the real question isn't it?  What the hell are all those clowns about?  After much pondering, I conclude that my life is a bit too full right now, probably has been for a while.  And if there are people and things leaving my life in impossible numbers (which there are) that I should not mourn those things or try to grab onto them.  Instead should just laugh and let them go.  They are, after all, clowns - and not even amusing ones. 

Well OK.....I might just keep one around. He is after all funnier than most.


Imaginging my car now empty with lots of elbow room.  Gassed and ready for new adventures!


1 comment:

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