New Normal

When my mom is struggling with her memory things can get hard.  In the early days, I lost my temper and shouted a lot.  That certainly does nothing but make it worse.  It took me a while to see the pattern I created when I did that.  I still have to remind myself, but it's getting easier.  I close my eyes, take a breath.  And when I open them I try to really see her, all of her the good and the bad.  I'm almost always overwhelmed by the depth of the feeling I have for this little infuriating woman.  That feeling allows me to be strong and support her through what are very scary times.  The scariest times are not when she remembers nothing, they are when she remembers enough to know she is forgetting everything.  She mourns that loss just like we all would.

In those moments, I usually put my arms around her and tell her it will be OK, that we will find a new normal for her today.  Sometimes she will look at me still confused and I will try to explain it.  Normal for her is now a moving target.  What she could do yesterday, she may or may not be able to do tomorrow.  Maybe it is gone for now.  Maybe it's gone forever.  We never know.  In it's place we are trying to cultivate an acceptance, perhaps even a celebration of where she is right now, today.  In other words, today's new normal.  Somedays it works and for that I am truly grateful.  On the best days we even manage to laugh about it.  Those days are my faves.

I was thinking about this the other day - about having a daily, hourly, minutely new 'normal'.  Why should that be reserved just for my mom's senior moments?  Wouldn't I benefit from cultivating that same level acceptance for where I am.  What if I stopped pressuring myself to be perfect until it incapacitates me and I do nothing?  Would I dare to do more if there were no failing?  Accepting that what I accomplished was today's best and most normal? 

Yup.  I think so too. 

Welcome to today's NEW NORMAL!