Today's Goal

I  promised myself that this weekend, I would clean and that I would finish edits and assembly of the poetry book.  The cleaning - wahwah - not so much.  But I have made serious headway on the poetry book such that I think it will go out for review this week.  YIKES!

Why has it taken me so blasted long to do that?  I mean that idea was floated out last summer and my goal was to have the printed book in hand before my birthday this year.  Most of the poems have been written and edited at least once.  Although I will admit as I write new stuff I keep adding that and dropping out some of the older ones that I like less well.  If I keep that up, the thing will never happen.  So I have agreed with myself that what I have right now is sufficient for this foray.  And that anything new will go into the NEXT one.  Laugh if you will inner critic, but my friend Jane has already tossed this idea out, that my forever small group assemble a book of writing.  HELLO.  How brilliant is she?

I recognize that there has been a huge stumbling block to this project....ME.  Yup, self-sabotage is an art form and I gots it.  The level of anxiety produced at the mere thought of following through on this makes me wanna wet myself.   The thing is that I recognize that I want this more than I want to hang onto that fear.

I want to come home to a box on my porch and feel my heart lurch.  I want to create a ritual around cutting open a box full of my books.  I want to breathe that new book smell and know it belongs to me.  I want to bury my nose in all that dream fulfilled gorgeousness.  Then I want to happy dance.