Woodwalker

I sat down to write something this morning, but honestly all I came up with was crap......see for yourself.  I finally gave up, put down the pen (or in this case keyboard) and walked away from it.

Something's up.  Clueless about what that might be. 

My only symptoms are a restless moodiness and an extreme gnawing hunger that screams I WANT all day long.
I WANT to be in the woods.
I WANT to do absolutely nothing.
I WANT to tear off my abuser's face.
I WANT to cry because my life feels so fucked up.
I WANT to move away, become someone else and never look back.
I WANT to be loved.
I WANT to read non-stop for weeks.
I WANT movement
I WANT silence
I WANT this
I WANT that
I WANT Facebook, e-mail, TV, Pandora.

I WANT to know what the fuck is going on. 

I walked away from it before I breathed any more life into that growing gnawing feeling of WTF.  I didn't choose anything on my to do list, which is getting long.  Instead I put on my boots and took a long walk up a hill somewhere in Boone County.  When I got to the top I just sat on the ridge and let the breezes blow over me.  Here that gnawing couldn't touch me.  I was happy.  

Something happens in the woods.  I become more me.  I don't have to put on or pretend.  I can look a fool, or get dirty, sing, fall down, roll thru the leaves, watch bugs, plow thru a creek.  There is an abandon that happens there that enchants me.  There is time to pay attention to the world around me and to my body as the muscles sing (or grumble) up and down the trail.  I have time to learn that my stride is wide open on the flats and grinding on the uphill sections, but that in the steeper downhill sections there is a tentativeness, a tightness in the muscles as if every step is guarded.  That tightness clearly reflected in the energy field around me.  The woods become less green, less fulsome, less welcoming.  I try to loosen the stride and make it more natural.  I am not successful.  But I have something now to toy with which I like.  

Out there I encounter real life magic.  

Out there I fall in love - with myself and with a space that holds me so well.