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I think the thing that spawned it all was a piece of writing I heard recently that was a long apology to a woman's body for the mistreatment of it. As I heard it, I wanted nothing more but to love up on the writer and help her love her body more - AS IS. And there's the rub. What I really wanted in that moment was to love up on my own body - AS IS. So that is what I shall do.
I talk a lot on here about my brain and my spirit. Pretty clear how I feel about those parts of myself. I know it's hard to believe, but I love my body too. Yes it doesn't look anything like what the world says it should. I have decided the world is fucked up and wrong about that. But then the world is fucked up and wrong about lots of stuff these days. I have big rolling curves like the Kentucky backroads that hold my soul. I can't even imagine a body where my bones jut out and dig into my lover. I heard a comedian (No. Not THAT one) once deliver the best line ever when he said "Even the three little pigs knew you didn't build a house out of sticks if you wanted to spend any time inside it." A-MEN!
The world around me spends an enormous amount of time trying to sell me on the idea that I am less than, worthless, powerless, unattractive, and meaningless because I am big. FUCK YOU! I'm no longer buying it. I am big because my spirit is too large to be contained in something tiny. I am big because I am full of ideas that need to be fleshed out. I am big because I am defiant. I am big because I am free. I am curvylicious. I am soft because my spirit is kind and generous. My lap is a comfy place for kids to nap and my thighs are a perfect warm pillow for my lover's head. My breasts are squishy when I hug someone. My feet are large to hold up this amazing masterpiece of flesh. The container is the size it needs to be. I am suited to it and it to me.
I remember a time when you were smaller, fleeter of foot, perkier in every way. You are no less beautiful now to my eye than you were then. Every wrinkle is a story I have absorbed. I have been 'written upon." That was one of my favorite thoughts of CPE - that our bodies become the canvas upon which our lives are painted. I mean, who wouldn't want the oversize canvas for that? Exactly
Beautiful post, beautiful you. And I'm glad you wrote it.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas or Happy Holidays to you!
Hi Mary, I found you through Jo and must say I'm so happy I did! Looking forward to reading more of your posts and getting to know you. I LOVE how you look at your body - I too am a larger than life canvas! How else could we fit everything we are?
ReplyDeleteThx BBB.....always good to hear from other amazing individuals!
ReplyDeleteHappy to drop by.. .thanks! lol (i.e lots of love)
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