That's on Them

I have worked for the same man for the last 24 years - the Universe willing it could be another 20 or until he retires. We are very different in many of our beliefs and approaches to the world. It has taken us the better part of those 24 years to really understand each other. And one of us needed to grow up quite a bit and learn how to speak up and talk about what bothered us (that would be me) - quite a handy tool for every relationship actually. We have found a way to make it work which is very cool given his rather right leaning Christian beliefs and my more all inclusive Earth-based woo-woo ones. I think it is a matter of respect. I am not trying to convince him that my ways are right, nor is he trying to convert me. He never has done that. If I ask a question about what he believes, I get an honest and well-thought out answer. I try to do the same for him because scientists are pesky curious creatures who like to know shit.....all kinds of shit.....even if they have no immediate use for it.

So today at lunch we were talking our round and round about all kinds of shit (maybe that's why we store it??). I was talking about how I saw no homeless people in London and wondering how the Brits dealt with that differently than we did. Sequeing (how the fuck DO you spell THAT word?) into how guilty I feel when I pass the sign holder who stands every morning at Eden and Reading to catch the drivers on the way to pill hill. I noticed that there are always a bunch of Graeter's coffee cups and bags that litter the ground at his feet. Super Science Geek Girl tells me its impossible that these are given to him by drivers given his location. So he must be buying it for himself. REALLY?? If you are homeless and panhandling you need coffee and a danish from Graeters?

Anyway, that's how the subject came up. My boss then tells me his homeless story that ends in what I think is one of the most brilliant things I have ever heard him say. While in Memphis he listened to a panhandlers sob story and handed the guy a couple bucks. A local then tapped him on the shoulder and told him that he had been conned. My boss, always even-tempered, shrugged and drawled "Weeelll, that's on him then. Isn't it."

Light bulb moment for me. All I can be is the most authentic me I know how to be at any given moment. If that means that someone takes advantage of my generous heart, callously dumps my ass and discards my love for someone younger and waaaaay more stupid, or hurts me in any way.....Well that's on them then isn't it? If I allow myself to feel used or taken advantage of then I probably behave differently when I'm in that situation again. Behave less like me. Nuh-unh! Because what happened is not due to a fault or flaw in my character. So the outcome with all its negative energy is on them. Isn't it?