Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Wed Post.

OK.  So it's been a while since I checked in here.  Apologies to the ten regular readers.  ;-)

This week has been a game changer for me.  Monday I was officially notified that my job will be terminating July 11 - a scant two days after my birthday.  It sucks like this sort of thing always does.  And I have moments where I deeply and grievously lose my shit, like laying in bed with the teddy and the covers over my head losing my shit.  I say that so that what follows won't feel too preachy and more the balance that I'm trying to bring in.  BTW- I don't see anything wrong with the aforementioned losing my shit behavoir.  IN fact, I'm quite sure it's necessary to purge the goo.  Some purges are more explosive than others it all.

What I don't believe in in using the covers over my head as a way to escape here and now.  I do like to escape in exactly this way, so it's good to know this about myself.  There will usually come a point where I have whined a bit, slept and that little voice says Get up M.  OKOKOK.....sometimes it's more like Bitch if you don't get outta this bed right now, I'm gonna show you what sorry looks like.  That's the point where I have the opportunity to rotate things around a bit if I get up and take it.  If not, I usually get more of the same morose, self-pitying BS and who wants more of that?

This time I am allowing the sads to have me sometimes, I am listening to the little voice, and I am being proactive - very proactive.  Mostly I'm focusing on the things that make me happy instead of this new curve ball that I can't seem to hit yet.  But I will.  I know that in my bones.  So here is a short list of what has made me happy so far this week.


  • Cuddling with my mom.  This makes us both happy.  
  • Taking out the socks that I have been saving for a special day and wearing them instead of just fondling them. 
  • Cooking.  Weird I know.  But Monday after I received my notice, I went home and made a huge pot of red beans and rice.  Every ingredient, even the elusive really good andouille sausage, turned up in my cupboard or freezer.  So I am fed and nourished with something tasty all week.  Bonus - FARTS!!!  Why yes, I am occasionally an eight year old.
  • Working.  I know that seems an oxymoron that I would find satisfaction in a job that is letting me go.  But there is a voice inside me (Not the one that kicked my ass outta bed.  This one sounds like my dad) that insists that any job worth doing is worth doing well, that there is pride in that.  I know that voice is right.  That doing science well can be its own reward because let's face it, we live in a science hating (or at least blind) country and a career in science should be shunned at all costs.  There aren't many superstars of science who make boatloads of money.  But still some of us choose it, or it chooses us.  Most of us struggle to keep things in the black.  Most of us do it because we love it.  Most of us transition jobs numerous times, not because we are bad employees, but because there is no longer funding for our position or our boss is retiring or things like that.  In any other job, 30 years of exemplary glowing work would not lead to this - job loss and ever more diminishing salary.  But it does.  And still I stay.  Because in the end science is one of the things at the very heart of what makes me happiest.  

4 comments:

  1. Yes, Miss Mary, I have missed your blog. And you! In fact I checked Facebook (which I rarely visit) to make sure you hadn't de-friended me! Bless you, My Dear, and kudos for choosing to wallow then choosing not to wallow. You made choices that served you in a very stressful period. That to me is huge and I congratulate you. Sending you mojo with the knowledge you will land the perfect position and thrive, though I'm sure there will be times you won't feel it but that's OK, too. Love to you...

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  2. Thanks Kathleen. Miss you too. We need to get together some night for treats and convo.

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  3. I have missed your writing and I know that it brings you joy. I like your proactive approach - go for it and enjoy the science! We both know that things will turn around.

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