Not Enough

Yunno when you break up with someone how crushing that can feel.  Having picked through those feelings too many times to count over the last 3 years, I found the part that is the most Owie, the most lingering, to be the idea that you weren't enough, as in you weren't enough to make a go of it.  You weren't enough to make me choose you.  You weren't enough to keep my interest.  You just weren't enough.  Generally followed up by but-hey-this-20something-blonde-box-o-rocks-bim is ex-act-leeee what I'm looking for.  That one's kinda owie too, but I toss that one off as cultural imprinting on both sides of the owww.

Today as my brain ranged in that direction, I gave it enough rope to see where it was headed just in case something cool and interesting might come of it.  Ever ready to yank it back if it felt like it was gonna end up in a box canyon of Ohmygawdmylifesucks or something.

Very interesting thought occurred to me.  I am not the insufficient one.  I rock.  Maybe that other person does too.  But where I am classic rock, they are country.  Different genres with not enough overlap to sustain.  And while I may dig the different and love the alchemy of mixing up the two, I'm pretty sure most people are looking for sameness.  When they realize how different the two of you are it's sayonara.

I might have settled countless times, I found I just couldn't pull the trigger.  Because settling means giving up part of who I am.  Girl is NOT gonna do that.

I am waiting, not for something perfect, but for someone who gets it.

I will not lose hope.