Things I Want to Say to an Ex

Mostly everything that needs to be said IS said before we part ways.  I prefer that.  Just leads to less self-flagellation later on.  The single exception to that would be James the Disappearing.  Houdini had nothin on this dude. 

I met James through match.  One in a long string of dudes who were a best fit line among the freak-ass dots on match.  I began emailing him a couple years ago.  We shared a lot of the same ideas about life and all that.  On paper, he was exactly the kinda guy I always thought I would end up with.  He started talking about a date, I left to go on vacation, and when I got back he was gone.  No explanation.  No nothin.

Fast forward a year and a half.  I am still loitering on match looking for Mr. Not-too-Fucked-Up.  I see that James has looked at my profile (Match is stalker weird like that - you can see who has been checking you out.  If FB had this feature it would be way less creeper-friendly).  I thought about it and shot off an email. 

That email went unanswered for another 6 months.  Then an answer full of health and family issues in which he describes meaning to respond, but kinda forgetting.  I believed him.  I have a tendency to take people at their word - at least the first couple times.  It's called trust.  So we were off again.  Amazing mental chemistry and physical chemistry when we finally do meet.  We talked for a couple months and dated for the next three.  Always it felt good.  Like this was supposed to happen.  As if I had known him my whole life.  That kind of connection is rare in my dating world - although it is very common in my workaday world.  I could feel myself easing toward the place where love might happen.  Then BOOM.  He was gone again.  Actually BOOM is not the right word.  His departure was the emptiest of silences.  Silences full of second guessing and wondering.  Eventually just sniffling to break up the silence. 

I still have no idea what the fuck happened to him.  Why he left without a word.  Is it pathological?  'Cuz it kinda seems that way from where I stand.  Is he a player?  That thought kinda making me laugh.  Too big a nerd boy to be a playa.  Was he just frightened?  Did he discover something about me that completely turned him off?  I will never know because he was not man enough to stand up and tell me.  One thing I did not peg him for was a coward.  I can't abide that. 

So I would just like to know what the hell was that about on his end?