From the writing prompt……’I do not know how’

I did not know I was lost
I did not know the words to La Malaguena
I did not know a man could find me beautiful
I did not know your ancestors would speak to me
I did not know I could love someone else’s family
I did not know laughter

I did not know how to be part of us
I did not know when you were lying and when you were truth-telling
I did not know how to be who you wanted
I did not know you would break my heart
I did not know if I could lift my head, stop crying, move on

I did not know when I would see you again
I did not know that bitterness could be so fulgent
I did not know what I would find in my wanderings
I did not know loving you would bring me here.

I did not know where until I came upon them those four identical headstones a fist to my heart
I did not know the blades of grass that bent over them
I did not know who took care of this place
I did not know how to cope with the starkness of their graves
I did not know their silence would be so loud
I did not know how soon before you might join them
I did not know I would taste only ashes
I did not know if I was allowed to grieve for people who were not my own

I did not want you to know I had been there
I did not know it would hurt me so

I did not know.