Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Constant

Yesterday started off in prime suck territory.  The usual reason - a dude.

I got to hang out with my friends Suzanne and Fabeku and things got a lot better.  A whole lot better.  And I realized that I can handle changing variables as long as there is a constant.

In mathematics, a constant is a "symbol representing an unspecified number that remains invariable throughout a particular series of operations".  Common examples would include pi, e (of Einstein fame), Avagadro's number, and a variety of Greek alphabet soup that I won't bore you with.  It is the known quantity in an equation.

In my life the same principle applies, there are constants and there are variables.  If there are too many constants there is nothing exciting going on - everything is known.  If there are too many variables, it falls apart because nothing is known nor can it be determined.  So where is the happy balance?

Ten years ago when I remade my life in the wake of being diagnosed with cancer, I jettisoned my friends and my way of life.  I succeeded because I held onto one constant - my career - that sustained me, gave me a place to stand my ground.

Fast forward to yesterday - my job is in chaos as I try to absorb an entirely new set of experimental paradigms and all the associated language, add to that how dudes and I just can't seem to see eye to eye and you might predict someone to be a mess.  But I am OK.  Because this time the constant amongst all that goo are my friends.

They just rock.  And all that shit that troubles me and seems so important, falls away and I move on my Tigger-y bouncy self because they help hold the center constant.  It really is a great gift.  They even gift wrapped it.

So today I realized that radical change can be done, even for someone who like pattern and safety as much as I do, if you have a constant.

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