Blahblahblah

I have posted about my dealings with match and my generally unsuccessful attempts with the people I meet out there.  I have discovered how much I like to meet new guys.  There is a rush to it all.  The unknowingness of it that is both angsty and oddly fun.

As much as I like that part, I don't care for the other  end of it - the disolutionment/disillusionment phase.  What seems to happen here is that a decision is made unilaterally about the possible success or failure of the dating, often based on sketchy and insufficient evidence, and termination occurs - mostly by the men in my experience.  For example:  Coasting along enjoying the e-mails, phone calls and text messages.  Having fun.  Learning about each other.  Trying to see if this person might rock the chair across the dining room table at some point way down the road.  Then communication tapers (the mulling phase) and then you get a phone call that goes something like this

I have been thinking and I don't think this is gonna work for BLAHBLAHBLAH reason.  (Usually the blahblahblah reason has to do with me and what I will/won't do).  Buh Bye.

I am left standing there holding the phone wondering what the FUCK just happened?  And what do they mean by that blahblahblah?  I never said that or was even asked how I thought about it.  What DO I think about it?  If I agree with what they said, the parting is easy.  If I disagree with what they said, the parting leaves me with new bags to carry around.  Bags that will have to be worked on before attempting the dating ritual again (I know, not everyone does this, but I just have to deal with them right away).

So what is that blahblahblah about?  It's happened too often in the last two years not to ask that question.  The majority of the time it isn't anywhere near my truth.  So where does it come from?  It is most often a projection from the other person onto me of his own thoughts.  Interesting.  What does it tell me about that person?  Good question #2 (I am on a roll).  Most often it comes from desire (as in I have met someone else and am looking for any reason to justify being able to pursue her and I think it will hurt you less if I tell you blahblahblah rather than the truth) or fear (as in you are too real and honest for me to deal with and it scares me so I will use the blahblahblah to push you away - and take that fear with you).

I think the killer is that in the past I have believed the blahblahblah was true just because someone told me it was, believed that I was broken and undesirable for exactly those reasons they gave.  The fault was always mine.  Where that may have been true once (I can admit it.  The girl was a hot mess), it isn't true any more.  I was shattered once upon a time.  Now I am just beautifully broken.  And I would prefer to hear the truth.  But the truth in most cases is that the fault in a this is no longer mine.