E is for Experiment

My lab bench in the Wiginton Lab c 2010.  

I am a scientist. I was born one. I will undoubtedly die one. My brain just works like that.  I make no apologies for that anymore.

I used to be embarrassed by my cranial leanings in this direction, science being one of the less feminine interests.  But this is one of those cases where you can't escape what you are called to do and I am called to be a scientist.

Even if I weren't working in a lab setting, my brain still spins out a thousand "what if" ideas a day and then set out to discover the answer.  More during this period of unemployment since there is less every day to occupy the grey matter.

So today's word is very precious to me, not in that Gollum-y way, but as in close to my soul.  Everything in my world is an experiment.  Let me repeat that.  EVERYTHING IN MY WORLD IS AN EXPERIMENT.  Why yes, that probably does make me queen of the nerds.  I think my very incarnation here is merely an experiment, a choice, to play on Planet Earth with a certain set of variables to see what I can discern about such intangibles as love, forgiveness and compassion.  Those seem to be the big three for me this go round.  Other people too.  Don't get me started on the whole metaphysical woo-woo dialogue or the blog will be hopelessly lost.

So back to the idea of experiment used here as both a noun and a directive.  One of the things I have noticed in my own life is that I am challenged to learn CON-STANT-LY.  Situations are presented over and over, sometimes in increasingly difficult guises, to help me learn things at the deepest/highest level that I am able.  Sometimes they are wonderful and awesome things like how well I am loved even though I am traveling solo.  Sometimes they are more shadow-y things like exploring the energetic patterns of abuse.  Always I walk away a much better being than before.  OK, sometimes I run like a scared rabbit, but I always learn.

I look at each situation after the fact and kinda objectively evaluate what I did, how someone else responded and what the outcome was.  Then I do something truly weird.  If the outcome was not what I wanted, I change what I do to see if I can achieve a different outcome.  And as long as that change remains within the parameters of who I am as a person, then I have more success.

My life is an experiment, the entire world my lab.