Let's Get Small

A small thing can really hang you up.  Don't believe me.  Try adding two lines on your income tax return that were supposed to be subtracted.  Or what happens if you omit your SSN from a grant application.  Or how distracting a single tiny rock in your boot can be when you are hiking.  I could go on, but suffice it to say I have some familiarity with how small things trip me up.  I tend to worry small things like rosary beads.

What I am working on now is understanding how there are just as many small things that help me.  Someone who smiles at me when I am in a punk ass mood.  The stranger who alerts me to the entire bag of groceries I left on the U-Scan checkout.  A feeling that sends me right instead of left and I run into an old friend.  Being as conscious of these as I am the other.  Being grateful for both.

All of this rambling musing is brought to you today by the sparrows pecking away noisily at my feeder.   Did you know that sparrows are not native to the USA?  Like so many of us they are British imports.  They aren't as flashy as the cardinals or as charming as the nuthatches and chickadees.  They are small, boisterous and communal.  I never see just one out there. Yet inexplicably I like them.

The sparrows got me to thinking about totems.  I thought how amazing these little birds would be to have as allies and wondered what they might signify.  I could look them up in Animal Speak*, but I would rather hear what they have to say before I do.  Somehow I always feel like I'm shortchanging the experience when I do that because once I know what Ted thinks, I stop listening to what the sparrows have to say.  If I can resist that urge to define, classify and know right away, then I am usually gifted with something much richer and more personal than anything I might find in those pages.

Sparrow may not seem all that awesome.  They are small and common as dirt.  One thing my shamanic training has taught me is not to underestimate my allies based on their size.  Size among allies is not related to power.  Not even close.  This point has been stressed by nearly every teacher who invariably then goes on to tell me about all the fantastical, strong and powerful helpers they have.  Just once I would love someone to tell me about their helper Ant or Mouse or Sparrow.  Maybe we are embarrassed to claim something that is inelegant, lowly or small.

But there is a real power in embracing all the help that comes my way.  Large and small alike.  Especially right now with so much of my life feeling unsettled.  So this week I will be hanging out with the Sparrows to see what they have to teach me.  But I can already see that there is something here related to expectation and size.

And as I wrote this I had to laugh.
Sparrow?  Really?
Really really.


* Animal Speak by Ted Andrews is a great resource.  Don't get me wrong.  I love this book and use it frequently.   It is a great place to jump off if you are a beginner.  But I might encourage anyone who has been at this awhile to resist the urge to always go with what the book says.  See what the animals say to you. Then by all means pick it up and read it.  It will lead to deeply layered and interesting insights.