Old Nuggets Pt 3

On My Father's Birthday  April 22, 1986

I looked up tonight at a sky filled with stars

and I hoped that you're happy and warm where you are.

The sorrow I feel wells in my soul

at the thought of you tired, or hungry, or cold

And the thought of me living my days without you

makes my grief deeper,  and guilt sometimes too. 

Never once did I think of your place in my life

until it was too late.  Then like a knife

your absence ripped through me destroying my peace. 

Only in hope and in time have I found surcease

from the pain that so gripped me when you passed away.  

I would have done anything to convince you to stay.

Now

I weep for the stories left untold

I weep for my children you'll never hold

I weep for a smile faded from view

I weep for the smiles I saved just for you

I weep for the yesterdays to be redone

I weep for the morrows we would have won

But mostly these days, I weep for me

and how things could have been and would be.

Just one more time to hear your mirth

while you walked still with me on Earth

Just one more time to touch your hand

and side by side together stand

To this time let my love flow out

so that you'd never feel a doubt.

But life's not that kind and now that you're dead

I think of things I wish I had said

So I'm saying them now for the world to hear

I love you my da.  I miss you my dear.

I know I can't change the way things were then

so, I try to look for you in all men

I used to throw my arms to the sky 

and plead for a reason why you had to die

These days instead I look at the stars up above

and know you are there and know you are loved.  

Untitled  February 11, 1987

Oh, I could be 

more like you

But why is it that you 

are not more like me?

This world needs

more of love

and roundness

and less of the 

harsh angularity

that is you.

The Cradle March 4, 1987

I stare at the empty cradle

and wonder if I will ever fill it

push it and watch

as it rocks lonely

in the dust

In my head 

I hear the squall

of generations.

And I sit

and rock

arms crossed

hollow of life

and understand

For I am the cradle.