I was talking to a friend recently and trying to describe the kinds of men I was meeting through online dating. First of all the age thing. At 49, I am hoping to meet someone close to my age give or take 5 years. However, the men my age generally want someone in their 20's or 30's and the ones who want to meet me are 10-15 years my senior. I don't understand that AT ALL. Why would you want to be with someone you have nothing in common with? I have no inherent problem with either of those, it's just that a man who is in his 60's grew up in a different era and is looking for someone who is clearly not this girl. Making sweeping generalizations here:1) They are sometimes technophobic. I don't know how they even get online to look for dates they are so awful at it. They are marginal at the art of email. And texting - they don't do that! WTF!?! I channel my inner 19 year old diva . I love texting.
2) They LOVE to talk on the phone. Grrrrrr......I hate the phone except for its lovely ability to text. I think this one is more me than them. But I especially struggle trying to talk to someone on the phone that I have never met in person. And I certainly don't want to talk to you for hours every day if I have never met you or even if I have met you and we are dating. I have a life and other things to do. I have met a guy or two who was such a great conversationalist that an hour or two flew by while we talked, but that is a rarity.
3) They are kinda boring. Were they not encouraged to have hobbies? No TV watching does not count as a hobby. I dunno. In that regard I find them generally snor-ey. When I ask you for some ideas about what to do, you should be able to have at least one. Also, YOU are not so interesting of a topic as to occupy an entire evening's conversation. Trust me on this one.
4) They don't know who they are. Not really. They know nothing about what makes them tick. Nor are they interested in looking. Nope they want to skate through without ever giving it a thought. This is just unacceptable to me. How do you build a relationship with someone if you have no awareness of your own junk?
5) They want the whole 1950's life they grew up with on TV. June Cleaver in the kitchen or cleaning in her impossibly small waisted dress, CFM heels and pearls while Ward sits on the couch watching TV and sipping on the perfect scotch rocks with his feet up. It's as if they missed the whole sexual revolution and women's movement. This is the same guy who will go on and on about how he could never respect a woman he could sleep with on the first date who will then proceed to push for exactly that! And when you point out the absolute hypocrisy of their words and their actions they will shrug and say "I'm a guy" as if this will make it all understandable.
After that, I so understand why women become cougars.
NB - If you are a dude reading this, don't get your knickers in a bunch. I do know some amazing men who are not like this. Thank God. You guys give me hope that there maybe a few available still.
What they really want is a woman who will move in and take over their entire emotional life, and arrange their every move - so they can complain about the ball and chain thing.
ReplyDeleteI haven't dated anyone my age since...1981. You've just laid out all the reasons. My reason: they are not fun. At least, up until now. : >
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ReplyDeleteHow do you build a relationship with someone if you have no awareness of your own junk?
Omg, soooo true. Or, I would add, an active dis-awareness of your own junk? Denial is not just a river in Egypt. You've hit on a major pet peeve of mine that unfortunately is not confined to the senior set. Active inner lives are just as important, perhaps more so, as active outer ones. Self-knowledge and -awareness, without tipping into self-absorption, is key...and difficult, but what kills me is most men I've met don't even try. They seem to be happy with a level of emotional mediocrity that I'd rather stay single than endure. What are these men afraid of, and how did they get so scared?