So it's been two weeks since I walked out of the lab that had been my home for 24 years. I can't say I am homesick for it although I do miss the intellectual-ness of being among the nerd herd. Miss the challenge to stretch and grow my brain trying to figure stuff out. Yeah - there's lots of stuff in my life to figure out, but little of it follows the rules the way science does. Those things are more emotional/spiritual and don't respond well AT ALL to reason. In fact, thinking about any of it for too long rarely yields a blinding insight into any of it. What it does is create excellent migraines.
There is a certain satisfaction in figuring stuff out for me. I am a classic J in that regard. Yunno Meyers-Briggs kinda thing. I am an INFJ. That last means judger (J) v perceiver (P). A judger likes rules and order, likes to have plans and know what's coming. And this part of my life is all full of directionless P-ness. ZOIKES! There is no order and very little in the way of planning, all of which causes me a bit of angst. The perceiver likes to examine all their options, likes to leave things open and just see what happens. That sounds a Mary unfriedly place to me.
I was OK last week, when there was the trip to VA to plan, details to clean up, actual cleaning up that needed doing. This week has felt all full of P. And I find that I have floated through an entire week without doing anything. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact a certain amount of nothingness is good. But I know me and know how a bit of nothingness can easily turn into 6 months of it. And I am not gonna have that.
I was listening to some beautiful gong-y music this morning from my friend Fabeku when it kinda settled in like a warm blanket. Yes this place is P to the extreme. But it doesn't have to stay that way. I can choose to carve a bit of order from the day rather than let it all just float around me. That the rules and scheduling that have mostly been provided by the presence of a job can be brought in and created - BY ME! I hate rules and scheduling, but somehow I need to have those to bump up against to feel comfortable.
Maybe I will learn to be a bit more P for having this experience, but for now a bit of self-imposed schedule seems in order.
I so understand the need for J. INFP here although my latest test showed me straddling P and J (I think the elevated J is due to running a small business for the last 10 years).
ReplyDeleteYou ever explore the Enneagram? BTW, I am really enjoying the blog you recommended! thx :-)
I have done Enneagram - but honestly dont remember what I was. And your welcome - Fabeku gets you laughing so hard, that you often don't see him slide the wisdom in there. But he does and it works.
ReplyDeleteI am a peacemaker a 9. I should have remembered that. In most cosmologies across the planet I am a water sign of some sort - all about healing and keeping the peace.
ReplyDeleteMary, I so understand what you mean. I am so use to the order and the schedules that weekends can be hard. I went and looked at my MB. It is interesting. When I first took it in 1997 as part of a leadership program I was an ESTJ. And I just took it a month or so ago for one of my meetings last week and I was ESFJ. That thinking, scientist me has turned into a feeling person; probably due to my different responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteSo hang in there and come up with some structure. I know that you can do that. And some randomness and down time IS a good thing. Did you finish that book?
Ummm....no.....have gotten derailed by the inertia
ReplyDeleteI'm a 9 too, married to a sparkly 7. I've got that peacemaking thing down pat. Speaking of inertia...I think the enneagram calls that sloth. I'm well acquainted with that one too!
ReplyDeleteExcellent piece, Mary the Perceiver! I've been accused of that - but only by perceivers. I'm an 8 on the Enneagram - recovering, I add in haste! And an ENTJ in the good old MB - the only ones even close are the S and N
ReplyDeleteHappy Tofurkey to one and all! p s there's a cricket in my office - a very good sign!