If you ask my astrologer, she would laugh and tell you of course I want a community - my south node is in Aquarius which is all about community. It is what is familiar, what I know already. But the challenge for this life is in my Leonine north node - stepping out and being seen. ::shudder:: Yup that's a hard one.
I found friendship at a time when I needed it. Friends who shared my interest in things mystical and inexplicable. As I look about me today - most of my close friends have come to me thru this group either directly or in that friend of a friend kinda way. The ones who haven't, came to me thru the other great love of my life - science. ::insert secret science nerd salutation here::
I meet myself there in the small circle. What I get out of any particular evening is often related to what I bring in. But generally I leave feeling a lot better than when I arrived. And on the odd night that I don't, I get a chance to practice compassion.
I get a chance to practice lots of things that I am not very skilled at - primary among these is boundaries and self-protection. The group shifts from month to month as far as who is there. Some I relate to more easily, while others are just gritting-my-teeth hard for me. It is the perfect environment in which to experiment with how to keep the oogies off of me.
For a long time, I hoped that the group would evolve into something different - something (to my way of thinking) higher, better, faster, stronger. For a while I tried to push the evolution in the direction that I wanted rather than let it unfold organically and just be whatever it was going to be. When I was unsuccessful I got angry and resentful at the members who seemed to stand in my way and stopped going. All because I couldn't control it. Couldn't have my way. OMG - I have to laugh at that childishness now. But not too loudly because I still struggle with reconciling the vision of what the group could be v what the group is. These days I try to hold that 'what it could be' in my heart in a soft focused kinda way while I just enjoy what it is right now.
I have accepted that this is a place of beginnings - just like it was for me. There is a certain energy to beginnings that I like, a certain new baby love for them. Maybe that is what keeps me coming back.
Maybe I simply return to honor the gifts that I receive there.
What a wonderful description of why I continue to host the Sacred Grove Reiki Healing Circle!
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