Monday, November 29, 2010

Healing Community

I have been part of a communal Reiki healing group for the last eight or nine years.  You would think I might remember the exact date, but I don't.  It is part of what I coaxed out of the ashes that were my life at that point.  While most of the people who were attending when I started, or who trained with me have drifted away from it, I keep coming back.  I wonder why that is?  

If you ask my astrologer, she would laugh and tell you of course I want a community - my south node is in Aquarius which is all about community.  It is what is familiar, what I know already.  But the challenge for this life is in my Leonine north node - stepping out and being seen. ::shudder:: Yup that's a hard one.  

I found friendship at a time when I needed it.  Friends who shared my interest in things mystical and inexplicable.  As I look about me today - most of my close friends have come to me thru this group either directly or in that friend of a friend kinda way.  The ones who haven't, came to me thru the other great love of my life - science.  ::insert secret science nerd salutation here::

I meet myself there in the small circle.  What I get out of any particular evening is often related to what I bring in.   But generally I leave feeling a lot better than when I arrived.  And on the odd night that I don't, I get a chance to practice compassion.

I get a chance to practice lots of things that I am not very skilled at - primary among these is boundaries and self-protection.  The group shifts from month to month as far as who is there.  Some I relate to more easily, while others are just gritting-my-teeth hard for me.   It is the perfect environment in which to experiment with how to keep the oogies off of me.  

For a long time, I hoped that the group would evolve into something different - something (to my way of thinking) higher, better, faster, stronger.   For a while I tried to push the evolution in the direction that I wanted rather than let it unfold organically and just be whatever it was going to be.  When I was unsuccessful I got angry and resentful at the members who seemed to stand in my way and stopped going.  All because I couldn't control it.  Couldn't have my way.  OMG - I have to laugh at that childishness now.  But not too loudly because I still struggle with reconciling the vision of what the group could be v what the group is.  These days I try to hold that 'what it could be' in my heart in a soft focused kinda way while I just enjoy what it is right now.  

I have accepted that this is a place of beginnings - just like it was for me.  There is a certain energy to beginnings that I like, a certain new baby love for them. Maybe that is what keeps me coming back.

Maybe I simply return to honor the gifts that I receive there.  

1 comment:

  1. What a wonderful description of why I continue to host the Sacred Grove Reiki Healing Circle!

    ReplyDelete

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