Finish Strong

I have worked one job for the majority of my life. I have never been fired or quit. I have gotten up every morning without fail for 24 years and gone to work. Countless weekends interrupted to do some piddly thing. The longest time I have been off was 6 weeks after I was diagnosed with cancer and had major surgery. My longest vacation was 3 weeks I spent tooling around out west. But that was years ago. Now a week off is a blessing and even that is a rarity I haven't had in over a year.

Dealing with a host of 'personalities' over those 24 years - enough to write a book. Growing from my party girl days to my full adulthood. Discovering that my boss is probably also one of my best friends even if he does like baseball and the Cowboys. Learning better ways to resolve conflict because I had to to survive.

Always pushing to finish one more experiment for this paper or that grant submission. Always trying to keep one step ahead of the money. Always looking over my shoulder to see if the axe was coming. The last 3 years of waiting in limbo for that ax to fall. 3 years of grinding my teeth and Pepcid. 3 years spent in a windowless climate controlled room freezing my arse off mostly by myself. 3 years trying to accomplish enough to get a grant - and ultimately falling short. Hearing the whoosh and knowing the ax is coming for you. Innocent or guilty the ax does not care.

So now that it's done and my head is in the basket I have made myself certain promises:

- I will leave the tears out of it. I will just enjoy what there is until there is no more. Savor it.

- I will not slack off just because I am a lame duck. My dad would want me to lift my head up and finish strong. So I will.

- I will not look at this as a failure.

- I will see this as a reward for those 24 years of service to get 6 months of paid time to write.

- I will not become morose and sit in the goo. I WILL NOT become morose and sit in the goo (deserved to be said twice so that I heard it).

- I will be more frugal - not out of necessity but because I don't need any more crap.

I don't know what's coming next. I don't know what I will do that first day I don't have to get up and go to work. It's scary as shit to think about. All I can do is finish strong, just for today to not worry, and trust that the Universe knows.