Lesson #2 You Get What You Need

So off I go with my grocery list in its foreign language

- replacement strings
- bass amplifier
- guitar strap
- straight to right angle cable

Patience-less and wanting it all yesterday I go to guitar center – mostly because I know where it is in Florence. I walk in and notice two things immediately. I am the only person in the store with mommy parts and I am old enough to have used those mommy parts to give rise to all the people in the store. GREAT.

I mill around hoping someone will ask if I need help, but there are lots of conversations going on around me that seem based on their intensity like they may be discussing WMD or nuclear disarmament instead of Steve Harris and DD Verni. I wait, but the impatience wins out and I finally ask someone for help. He immediately calls up the bass specialist when he sees my list.

A very nice young man of about 25 comes up and introduces himself as Andy. I tell him what I need hoping I pronounce all those foreign words correctly and don’t look like a total douche. His first question is one I can answer. What kind of bass is it for? I have prepared and studied for EXACTLY this question. Fender Squier P-Bass I say confidently. Andy nods. Sweet. Seems I have passed. His next question seems meant to ferret me out for the poser I obviously am. Are these things for someone you know? Uh – oh! RED ALERT!!! I am about to be busted. I hang my head and mutter to my shoes No its for me. Andy obviously couldn’t hear me since he was not in the vicinity of my chucks. He politely says What? I pick my head up and look andy in the eyes and say No, It’s for me. REALLY? He holds out his hand in a gesture I luckily recognize means he wants me to likewise curl up my hand and touch it to his – something known as a fist bump. Luckily I have practiced this with my younger brother who has introduced me to the fist bump. The exploding fist bump and variations thereof). I fist bump Andy and his face lights up like I have just told him he could go backstage at a Phish concert. I can’t help but smile back.

Andy whirls around and pulls a bass down off the wall and hands it to me. It is an exact replica of my new toy in slick and evil looking black. (I flash for a moment and see myself dressed in black and looking an awful lot like Joan Jett and playing this bass). Deer in headlights as he swings an amplifier around toward where I am standing and it becomes increasingly obvious that he wants me to plug into the amp and play the shiny black evil bass so I can hear how the amp sounds. OH HAIL NO!! I laugh and tell him that I’m just starting and that unless he wants a quiet night it is best if HE plays because I will clear the store. Andy plugs in the shiny bass and I watch as his face becomes a reflection of black bass playin bliss. I would recognize that face anywhere and I wonder quietly - when will I get that? I sit down and pretend to listen to the amp giving him a reason to play for about 20 minutes. I am not in that big of a hurry that I would make him stop. That I would yank him back into reality.

We proceed around the store as Andy fills all the items on my list. Introducing me to all the employees as we went. It was like being accepted into a great new club – yunno the one with the cool kids. When he ushered me up to the cashier he again introduced me and said – This is Mary. She’s learning to play bass. And she’s like MY MOM’S AGE! I had to laugh because that was true. I was learning to play bass and I was probably his mom’s age.

But there was an odd sense of admiration and awe in his voice. That made me stand up a little straighter because I was surprisingly still worthy of being part of his club.